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I wrote this song in regards to my gender identity and how it relates to my experience with the christian church, and my reconciliation with faith as an ambiguous and personal relationship.
"dare not cry in vain," he says, "my child"
"if you say goodbye, nobody will cry for you at the altar"
they see two little boys offering their toys at the altar
little do they know one misshapen foal approaches the altar
"visibility won't capture all His mercy"
and "it takes one to know one," as they say
I'll name myself a sinner
I only sing for sinners' sake, yeah
well, when you're God, then call me
I want no part in your holiness if I'm filled with loneliness for trade
My body is my home, please leave it alone or watch me decay
'cause one baby girl, his hair tied in curls, cries at the altar
just screaming "mirror, mirror, on the wall, please tell me I'll be tall someday"
I refuse to be saved, if I'm locked in this forsaken cage any longer
"sever this cancer, give me freedom," I beg the Altar
If I kill myself, they'll take that old picture from the shelf
and leave it at the altar
and I'm much too filled with spite
to forgo all this might and let you call me,